Waiting, Wishing and Wanting

Screw this!

I waited all day. This afternoon I got this email: "I will come see you in the late evening". How late is late? I'll come unhinged if I sit around any longer. I waited and waited. I surfed for a great while, happy that the @home signal stayed up with me. When seven O'clock rolls around I assume that I've been stood up. That's alright. I just blew off my Therapist for two days straight. I had to do The Nightmarish Pit of Doom yesterday, and didn't know how long I would be there. So I canceled. Well, Nurse. G.'s secretary sends me an email that says: "Good Luck with the moving. I have you scheduled for 4pm tomorrow with Nurse. G." Can you imagine that shit? She's got me down without asking me shit.

And that's the problem with being homeless, or destitute, and that is that you have nothing to do with your time. Well, unfortunately I'm one of the few hobos that don't hang around until you have something for him to do. I've got to go see my Dr. this morning, and then wait for my coordinator.

Well, I blew off my Doctor too. You see, I didn't get my blood tests done like I said that I would. I hate those fucking things. I really do. There is nothing worse than a blood test. The poking, and the jabbing, and the blood! Shit I hate that. And Dr. A sends me constantly, because he monitors all of my body functions closely. I don't mind really, because he does such a good job, it's for my own good. But when I forget to get them damn tests done, I hate to walk into his office and not have them. So, Since I have to wait for my coordinator, I blew him off too.

I guess you see a pattern here. I keep blowing people off at a moments provo- cation. But it's not what you may think. I haven't had a chance to just stay home since my bags stopped rocking. I just want to stay home for a change. I just don't want to be OUTSIDE.

Jeez.

But the bad thing is that now my Coordinator stands me up. I slip out to go food shopping because I have nothing in my house to eat, other than crackers and jam. I walk up to the Associated on Amsterdam Avenue and goin to the most smallest, and cramped grocery store that I've ever been in. The aisles are just slightly wider than your cart, but not by all that much. I carry a basket because of this fact. Then you have to shop shoulder to shoulder with your fellow shopper. You waddle from one foot to the other like a penguin, making your way though the entire store. It's madness. I move quickly, getting the usual, and the unusual. I find Egg Nog. SHIT! I love Egg Nog. I got two cartons of that shit. I could not find sliced cheese, so instead I got block cheese.

I got back home and stayed online until late in the evening, no one popped up on IM so I was alone for the first time in awhile. I work on the Handbook and then crawl into bed. The first thing that I notice when I take off my headphones is the racket that my refrigerator makes. The fucking hum is loud this late at night. I go to the machine, open the door and turn down the thermostat. The noise stops abruptly. Ahhhhh, now I'll be able to get some sleep.

I crawl into bed and the moment I close my eyes, the compressor comes on again. I push my ear buds deeper into my ears and turn up my music.

Sometime, during the middle of the night, I vomited into my mouth. Not much mind you, but I did. I swallowed it back down and gagged, my esophagus burning as if I swallowed a lump of hot coal. I stood, staggered over to the refrigerator and poured a cold glass of Egg Nog. The effect was soothing. I was standing there, sweating, tonight naked. What the fuck did I eat last night. Frozen Mexican Burritos. Damn, it can't be those, those motherfuckers were good and hot. Not hot meaning heat, but hot meaning spicy.

I crawl back into bed and go to sleep.

Sometime during the early morning I nearly shit myself. I caught it at the last minute. I struggle out of the bed, not letting my ass touch my sheets, slip on a pair of slacks and take my house keys. I bowleg down to the toilet, slip in and drop my trousers. As I sit I notice that there is no toilet tissue in the roller. I screeeech on the brakes. WTF!! Damn! I forgot. I get up, head back home for the toilet tissue and then back to the bathroom to take care of business.

It was Five in the morning. I'll not feel sleepy until a few more hours. Instead of trying to go back, I go online, sending out emails and reading some. I'll crash in a few, and get up later. Always works for me.

Today is the SHOUT OUT.

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