Mad and Stingy

What the fuck??

I sit down in my room and turn on my baby and the first thing that I notice is that the @home signal is not there. This WIFI signal was so hot and heavy last night that it kept me up until 1:00AM, and now it was nowhere to be found. I kept scanning and scanning and still, no signal. There was a DlinkDWR that I connected to at 1meg a sec. Which means no Internet at all. The bitch is slower than cops coming to a ghetto homicide. 11megs is a good Internet connection, the higher after that the better.

But 2 and 1megs? That's not crawling, that's dying. And it stays like that. THEN, pops up @home. Shit! What took you so long! I hop on and get a blistering hot 18megs. I'm at Yahoo, and then my mail. I have nine messages already. Super. I am happy. AND THEN THE FUCKING SIGNAL COLLAPSES. Just like that. From 18megs to nothing faster than the eye can blink. I scan for it and it's nowhere. Gone like it came. And stayed gone.

Fine, I'll work offline. It was a peculiarly weak signal anyway. I get up and put on my coat and head out with my baby and go to the Starbucks right downstairs on the corner of the block. I enter in and the minute I get to the other side of the door, everyone in the space looks up at me. I swear to God, everyone stops what they're doing and looks up at me. Then they return to whatever was keeping their attention. What in the Hell did I walk into?? I cruise the walls, looking around people sitting at the tables, scanning for an outlet. Nothing on the right hand wall, I head to the left. People look back at me with the 'what-are-you-looking-for' stare. I pass the length of the wall and can find nothing.

Nothing. No outlets anywhere. What kind of stingy Starbucks is this. All of this damned wall space and no outlets? I go to leave and right at the doors do I find a double outlet, far away from the nearest table. Well, that's fucked. I leave.

I return to the Duane Reade Pharmacy and I walk to the counter to find a sunny complected young woman. I smile to her and tell her I'm there for a pickup. She goes into the back and comes back with only one out of seven. I tell her that there are much, much more than one. She goes into the back and brings out the 'Black Woman'. She comes spinning from the back like a buzz saw and up to the counter. "You can't order when you've already got enough for the month." Enough for the month? I checked them before bringing them here. I'm down to less than a week on all of them. "Your insurance will not cover anymore, so we put them on hold." Well thank you, and I leave, heading back to The Spot. Hey, I like that. That's what I will call the place from now on, The Spot.

Well, I get to The Spot and head upstairs and take a nap.

Of course, when my ass wakes up I check the refrigerator and find it warmer than the room. My milk must be shit. My frozen dinners are no longer frozen. My last pint of ice cream is just cream. I pour that shit into a glass and drink it like a milk shake. I check for @home, and find it. Opening my browser it opens to Yahoo. OH BOY! I sit down, surf to my mail, and the signal crashes. Boom, just like that.

I'm pissed. I'm heading to Starbucks. I pack my gear and return. This time I REALLY search for an outlet. A woman, against the wall, standing in the corner catches my eye. I look and she was sitting next to an outlet. I beat feet over to her table before anyone else and deploy my baby. I work quickly, answering e-mails and blogging. All of this would get me down if it wasn't that I am somewhat used to using Starbucks as my Internet connection. The box has made me really spoiled, coming home and jumping on the web unimpeded.

I'm homeless and spoiled. Isn't that a fucking oxymoron.

Well, I'm no longer homeless either.

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