Candy Canes and Candy Bars

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What's wrong with my life?

There are just simple things that everyone enjoys that seems to be such a chore for me. It seems almost impossible for me to maintain the simplest of things. There was a time when people used to tell me that it was because of me that these things happen. They kept telling me that it was because of my drinking and carousing that bad things gravitate my way. Well, now I pretty much disagree with them and find all of their advice utter bullshit. Complete and utter canards spouted by people who meant well, but just didn't have two things, 1) the fucking facts, and 2) the fucking humility to realize that that they didn't have the fucking facts.



Why do I say this now? Well, now I'm more sober than drunk and I have to admit, I'm not fucking shit up due to it. But still misfortune seems to search me out and find me. Case in point. I have been struggling with the New Jersey Department of Motor Vehicles to get my driving privileges back. Letter after letter to these illiterate fucks and after months of literally barraging them with mail they finally get back to me telling me that I owe them over $4,000 in unpaid tickets and fines. Now there was a time that I was ignorant about this shit. I used to hear how people owed thousands of dollars in unpaid fines and I was under the impression that these fucks just kept fucking up. Getting ticket after ticket until they were cut off.



No, that's not how it goes. If you get a $50.00 ticket and don't pay it, it gains in interest. Yep, it draws interest for the state as if the state had lent you 50 bills and put you on a revolving charge account that you didn't pay. Well, I can understand this also, if I had a fucking job for going on six years. But I didn't, so how the fuck could I possibly pay these interest rates on the traffic ticket. If I just had the tickets to pay back, things would be peachy, but they are holding my driver's license ransom until I pay up.



That's why I say that New Jersey isn't worth shit. It's probably the poorest state in the union. The rich there fleece the poor on a regular basis, and that's pathetic. If you have a million dollars, move to New Jersey...if you don't then get the fuck out quick. That's my advice, even if I don't have all the fucking facts. Like everyone else, lack of the facts never kept me from giving out my opinions.



So, that's other shit that has gone south. So what? At least I have my Internet connection. I 'm working hard on the Internet and then BAM, my connection just drops out of nowhere. What the fuck? I reboot the modem once, twice, three times and nothing. Great. I call up and the people  at technical support try to go into the modem from the line, and still can't get it up. So they tell me that it's probably the modem and that I need to go down to their service center and replace it. I get up and go, through all the cold weather to the Cablevision center, and swap my old one for a newly refurbished one.



I bring the mother- fucker home and plug it in and up it comes. There. Now let me ask  you. Did my cable go down because I was drinking? Did I have to contend with customer service and marching down to the center to get another modem because I was drunk? C'mon! Misfortune just follows me and I hate to say it, I'm growing tired of it. It needs to find someone else to follow around in life.



I mean, I'm alone, but I don't care. I'm not lonely. I sometimes prefer it. I'm busted, but I'm not poor. I have a rich life filled with things to do and a few friends that I can really count on. I'm homeless, but I'm not living out on the streets any more. I'm doing well in my little SRO and dealing with the meatholes that are around me raising shit all the time.



And in the face of all this and much, much more, I feel fine. So how can this shit be anything other than my lot in life? No matter if I'm sober or drunk. Although I'm not here making excuses for drinking. In fact, drinking is not in my plan. What is in my plan is to debunk the advice that I bring my misfortune on myself because of drinking. I haven't gone on a tear in ages. So now what?



Maybe that's the problem? Maybe my world is crying out for a tear. Either that or I should not expect so much from this fucking life. Maybe this is all there is for me? Whatever.

I'll still get up tomorrow.

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