Holding Back The Tears of Mediocrity

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Be sad for me.

Well, kinda. Today is pity for Hobobob day today. I know, I know, I said that I didn't want your pity...but I meant that in a general way. Specifically though, I want you to bawl your eyes out for me. No, just kidding (no I'm not). Today I got another rejection notice from a publisher. That's sad now isn't it? I know, I know. If I'm going to try to be an author, there is no need to whine about a rejection slip. Wasn't it Woody Allen himself that said that he wallpapered his walls with rejection slips?



If he can go through that agony, then who am I? And honestly, I'm not all that thin skinned to have a problem with it. I mean, I can take rejection. I date women, don't I? Shit, I've been rejected by scores of women, but that never turned me into a fag. Fuck it, I just say, screw you and move on to the next. Well, that's unless you've stolen my heart first, and then we are talking about an entirely different paradigm.



But to lay out the law on this publisher's rejection, they always have something hack to say to you. One punk ass said to me, "This story couldn't grab my interest I'm afraid."  YOU'RE AFRAID? Please...wait until I get my hands on you! THEN yo' ass will be afraid. I'll give you something to be fucking afraid about. But I'll tell you the truth. I LIKED his rejection the best, because he reveals something. He reveals that he 'actually read my shit', and that he took the time "To type and sign a rejection notice to me." Amazing in this day and age.



So I have to hand it to him. He's the best editor that has ever sent me back a rejection notice. The rest of them, Editors and Agents, can suck on my sweaty balls. I'm not lying. Let's talk about these beat up, not wanting to work, looking for an easy score, blitzy-blaugh bastids that give you the same shit. They either say something like: "We are sorry to say that due to the commitments of our present clients, we cannot offer to read your material," and "With a full plate, I take on new writers only in exceptional circumstances, and your work is not, I am sorry to say, for me."



Do I have problems with Agent pricks like these? You bet your wife's horny ass I do. Fucking cheese-snacks are in the fucking WRITER'S MARKET, and online as accepting submissions! But when you send them something they state that they have full plates. What the fuck is that about? Take your agencies out of these publications. Just send them a letter, or call your fucking webmaster and say, "Shit, we've got too much to do. DON'T send us your shit." Save me the fucking postage and the fretting over your response. Just nip it in the bud, like your wives have done to your sex lives.



Then, there are the uppity smart asses, that come from cheerier backgrounds. These fucks spit in your face and then say: "We wish you the best of luck in your search for representation," or "I wish you the best of luck finding representation with the right agent and good fortune with your writing career." C'mon bitches, if you really cared you'd refer me to someone. HEY, doctors and lawyers do it. They know who's looking to start a practice and they send clients their way. It's called professional courtesy. They  do it every day. What's your excuse, huh? Underwear's too tight to take a shit every once in awhile?



And then I have one publisher that really did care. Care to make a side buck for them- selves. They referred me alright...to a vanity publisher. Yeah, and if I go and say that they sent me I can get 10% off the self-publication of my book. So let me get this right. I pay them $10,000 to print copies of my book and they turn around and charge me $9,000 and they give $900 to the publisher that I asked to publish my manuscript.



How does that shit make any sense. I want to firebomb these bitches for trying to make money out of, or by rejecting me. They get cash coming and going. And what do I get? Rooked. I'm telling you, Agents and publishers are breathing their last breaths. Books will either be going to the e-book market or online, and print publishers will be feeling the bite sooner or later. With e-book readers, it was a slow process. But now that people have flocked out by the billions to buy Ipads, and the tablet market is poised to boom as soon as other manufacturers get their products to market, e-books will be engaged in by more and more businesses that are not these big assed publishing conglomerates, and it will be the readers that will dictate what gets published and what will not.



That's the hobo future of publishing. A true proletariat revolution that will lead to us taking charge from the gatekeepers of the past. It will only be a matter of time. What do you think happens every time you download an e-book from Barnes and Noble? You are fucking the system, and after every system is fucked with sufficiently, it collapses underneath it's own greed and self-important mediocrity.

Fuck 'em all I say. And let the readers sort it out!

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