Rise and Shine Asshole

I get up on Saturday.

Yeah, I did it again. Getting ready for a strange day...or I should say that I should have been getting ready for a strange fucking day. I'm on IM right, talking to a close friend and Pop goes my Internet connection. Yeah, It dies right off. Now New York is supposed to be undergoing some snowstorm so I attribute it to that. A momentary black out. So fuck it then. It was late and time for me to go to the SHOUT OUT.

Which went pretty good, although there weren't many people there. I kind of like it when there are a few people around. I read some of my raunchy poems, and that was that. We had a nice feature, and I had a pretty good time. I don't know, I like a SHOUT OUT that's pretty small...less stress I suppose.

My brother and I call it a night. Snow was falling and neither of us wanted to be caught out dead in it. We stopped at Kennedy Fried Chicken, where I bought enough chicken wings to last me until Monday. I love chicken wings. I cover them with hot sauce and wow, I eat them by the pound. Now I go to my humble abode and check, and the Internet is still out. Damn, that's a long outage. Real long. I say to myself, what the fuck? After I settle in, I wonder, what is up with that? I mean, if it's not from the snow, then, what could it be from? I paid my bill yesterday through Western Union, which is right away. Could they have cut me off? That's impossible. I have time before that, besides they didn't even send me a cutoff notice.

Cutoff is impossible. Just impossible. I paid them. Now the question is, how in the Hell does a man without a phone stay on hold with Time Warner Cable (Yeah, I named them, because if they give me shitty service, I want to flay them alive on my blog), so as to get a warm body to discuss this with. I have to think about that. I really do. I hope that it's not a cutoff.

Now my world is in tatters. I have nothing. I have nothing. Without the Internet, there is nothing for me to do or say but stare at myself dumbfounded and play with my dick. So I do the only thing available to me. I go to sleep. I sleep hard, very hard. For someone with Insomnia, this is an excellent thing. Then the unimaginable happens. My doorbell rings. And rings. And rings. I raise up and look at the clock. It's 12:00am. What? I get up and try to get dressed, which, while half asleep is almost impossible to do.

It rings again. And again. I open the door to the insistent ringing. It's Igor. He is standing on the other side of the door, iPhone in hand, concern across his features. "Hey, the Internet is down," he says. Yeah, and? "Do you want help paying it? Is the device broken? Is it plugged in?" Igor, do you know what time it is? "Yeah." It's probably some outage, due to the snowstorm. It'll be up by tomorrow. "Oh, okay," he backs up, going down the hall. Goodnight Igor.

I crawl into bed, and look at the ceiling. I'll never go back to sleep now. But somehow I lied to myself. I drifted right off to sleep like a babe in a manger. I mean...out like a light. Ring. Ring. Ring. Knock, knock, ring. I wake up but decide not to move, so as not to disturb things. Knock, knock, ring, ring. Knock. Knock. I roll over, out of bed, and dress. Opening the door, it's Igor again. Standing there with his iPhone still in hand. "I've called Time Warner Cable and they say that they have no outages. Are you sure that it's plugged in?" I look at him. It's 1:00am. Is he crazy? Oh yeah, I forgot, he lives here. He probably is. Igor, I say in a kind voice, leave me alone. Leave me alone. Just get away from me. He backs up, stunned. "Oh, alright. Alright." I shut the door and sit down. NOW, I know that I'm not going to bed anytime soon. Funny, right. I can't sleep, and I'm unmolested to just stay up all night. Now that my Internet is off, I can sleep, but I'm molested about it. How did I ever think that telling Igor that I was the supplier of the Internet for the entire building was a good idea? Well, he does solve one problem. Exactly how I'm going to get in touch with Time Warner Cable.

I make coffee, and eat a slice of pie for breakfast. I think, that around six O'clock, if my Internet is not up, that I'll get dressed and go down to Igor's place and wake him up, all excited about the Internet. See how that grabs him. Cold hearted, huh? Well, I would like to get my Internet back up too, and if there is some sort of problem with my paying them late, I would like to know. Maybe Western Union fucked up something? Or maybe it was just too late. Maybe my payment didn't get to them in time. Whatever. It is a real drag to be without it. I feel cut off from the world! I feel as if I have been discarded. I feel alone. Very alone. My life, under-utilized, and devoid of life, pale and dying. Like Igor, I have to get the Internet back, at all costs.

I'm pathetic, aren't I?

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