The Idiotic Change

I'm back.

Shit, you knew that I wouldn't be gone forever did you? Did I lose you fair readers? Did you lose patience with me and decided never to read this blog again? Well, I can understand that. I got tired of writing and got involved in my life. Or what's left of it.

Well, lets see, last month I got a letter from Social Services that I was to be cut off from my benefits on the 27th of the month, so I filed for a Fair Hearing, but as Dr. A tells me, the law is that you can ONLY stay 31 months on Welfare. Hmmmm, so no food stamps, no stipend, no medicines, and NO RENT. Nice. So I'm waiting for the other shoe to fall now and to be kicked out of the room, my SRO. To run out of medicine, to run out of food. I've already ran out of money.

So it's a big countdown for me back onto the streets. I'm trying to work things out. I have to get my bag ready, find a change of clothes, get my books and hardware, give my printer away to Igor. I have a lot to do before they kick me out. I also have to relearn how to use soup kitchens. It's been almost two years. Wow, that's a long time to be out of touch. Living like a normal person, living as if I could afford anything without a job. I'm just out of touch with the streets. I have to get back into the swing of things.

I lost the Internet a couple of times. Igor was good enough to pay for it back TWICE. I just don't have the money anymore. I just don't.

On the poetry side of life, we had an event for us, OBSIDIAN and myself at the prestigious ABC NO RIO, in honor of our show, the SHOUT OUT. It went well. Many of our close friends were there and we put on a good show together. I read from my old works and had a Hell of a lot of fun. We were also paid for our feature! Wow! That doesn't happen often folks. I had money for a little while before that ran out. It kept me in alcohol for several days. Hee hee hee

I'm back on the LAMICTAL again. I met up with Dr A. He dropped by my room and we went out together to Central Park on a glorious day and talked for quite awhile. He convinced me to go back on LAMICTAL because of my erratic behavior. I will feel things level off if I went back on it, so I did. I don't know how long this will work out to my favor though since I have no more medical coverage. I have to go to Belllevue Hospital and use their clinic to get free medication. Hmmm, I wonder how that is going to work out? I take a LOT of medication. This will not turn out good for me I have a feeling.

But now I have alcohol again. So if the pills stop, I'll have hooch to fall back on. This worked for me before, it should do so again, if push comes to shove. I'm not afraid of drinking again, or being a loser on the streets again with a bottle of hooch in my back pocket. Let me tell you something, life on the streets is FUCKING HARD, and a pint of hooch makes it all livable. It cuts the edge off a hard fucking life. So if I can't get my hands on my head medicines, I'll just turn to my old standby. Like I said, it worked quite well for me before, it should do so again.

Well, this is the way my life has been shaping up to turn to. Things heading down the shitter. If I could have gotten into contact with a major television network and pitch my show, or got a book published over all these months, or even a love life, this might have turned out much better for me, but as it stands, shit is going South in a big hurry. A freight train ride right back down to the lowest rung on the ladder of life. The question for me is: Am I Up To It? Can I do it again, and do it effectively? Or will I be clumsy and by myself, without Electra or OBSIDIAN?

Well, it will be me and OBSIDIAN back on the streets again, living the life of hard knocks. Who knows, maybe we will still get discovered this go around. You got to keep a stiff upper lip with these things. You can't really worry, and you can't really cry. All you can do is fight. Fight like your life depends on it, because it fucking does.

Fight!

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