Finding All of Your Bones Broken

I spent the morning trying to get in touch with the Nephrology department at Beth Israel Hospital. They were not answering their phones, and you know I was shitting bricks. When I did hit a phone maze I just stayed on the line for an operator. She transferred me to another number that had a recording stating to call back later.

You know how it is, when you are trying to get something simple done. It is a headache. It stresses you out. It's a ball buster. I keep trying. I don't give up easily. Soon I get in touch with the department and THEY put me on hold.

After a few gray hairs I get through, and make an appointment. For the 22nd. One day after meeting with Charliqua Lovebisquit. She's not going to like that much. I ask for the 15th. I say, hey...it doesn't hurt to ask. The operator agrees, and GIVES me the date. Shit, I feel relief. Now I have taken care of this shit. I fuck up, I clean up. I'll have my nephrology exam a full week before meeting with my case worker.

Rah, Rah, Rah!

I spend the rest of the day at home, enjoying the Internet. I work hard on my new novel, which is starting to pick up. I'm feeling very proud over it. I hovered through the World Wide Web, searching for anything, everything, and finding everything. Everything that I wanted to know, and a lot of things that I didn't want to know. That's the dangers about the Internet and Kids use of it. I'm not talking about Barney-izing the Internet, but there has to be some safe areas that these kids...and I'm not talking preschoolers, I'm talking teenagers, can be restricted to. There are just some topics and some things that they need not be aware of. Like how to make a soda bomb with baking and carbonated soda. That shit is a very powerful explosive. Very powerful. How do I know this? They have crazy assed teens playing with the shit on the Internet.

I mean, I've seen things that I don't want to see, things that make me laugh, make me cry, make me gag. But what's disturbing is that it's young people who are involved in much of this shit. From horrible car accidents, to crazy assed pranks and humiliating situations. Teenagers. Filming themselves doing this shit. Teenagers. Young people who haven't done shit with their lives yet. People who still think that they're going to live forever. People who really believe that they are immortal.

Shit, it's a bitch turning 40. It's worse turning 47. I feel like an old man. I'm searching for grey hairs every day. I'm sure that they are on the horizon. My father turned gray later on in his life so, that's a plus there. And he didn't go bald. I'm way out of shape but what the fuck? I lead a sedentary life. What can I say? Well, at least I'm trying to diet, and some exercise. The libido comes and goes. I think it's the drugs in my system. Any given day I can become horny or blood and tears tired of the opposite sex.

Hmmm, what is left on my checklist of growing old things? My pancreas, my kidneys and my heart. My liver, surpri- singly, is fine. With all of the alcohol that I've consumed in my life, there should at least be some damage, but no, none. Funny; My heart. Well, we know about that sad story already. Since my Congestive Heart Failure, it blew up like a balloon, and didn't come back down. It's large and weak, barely pumping blood through my system. My extremities go numb sometimes. They'll start to swell one day, and be difficult to move. We'll have some fun then, when I can't move in a hospital bed and the doctors are snipping off fingers and toes and hands and feet.

But that's supposed to happen when you have diabetes I thought...Well, I'm borderline diabetic so that'll happen too. So if my heart doesn't start the fun of amputation, my pancreas will. Doesn't stop me from buying Easter cupcakes today though. Yum!

And lastly the kidneys. Borderline renal failure. When they give out, here comes the washing machine...that's what they call a dialysis machine. It's almost as big as one too. I'll have to be hooked up to one of those too because my blood will get toxic and make me tired, and sleepy, and one day I'll go to sleep and not wake up. That's not so bad. Everyone should go that way.

Maybe I should have done stupid shit when I was a teenager, risking my life. Blowing my head off with a soda bomb, or jumping from one building to another, or fucking with guns, or surfing on top of cars. Maybe I should have fucked up then, off-ed myself and spare myself a grim future like the one that I have awaiting me?

Naaaaahh! I'm too much of a lover of this life and a fighter. That's all that comes naturally to me. I'm not going to let anything get me down, and when it comes time to pay the piper, I'm going to pay that motherfucker in spades, and foodstamps and he'll know that he was dealing with fucking Hobobob. Damn, that's gotta hurt!!

I'm going to kick ass.

Maybe I'll film it for the Internet.

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