Tell Me What You Want

The middle of the road.

On this long highway of life, there must be the middle of the road, and I think I've struck it. I only have another 47 years to live. The glass is now half full. Can you believe that shit. Maybe even less...40 years. Life sucks. I wake up from a dream, where I'm old. Very old, can't do shit. Can't get an erection, can't dance, can't run, can't play basketball or football. Can only sit from one chair to the next. Looking at young people run about. I have no children, so there wasn't anyone there but me. Me all by myself. No wife, no loved ones, nobody. I was a mean, nasty old man, bitter at the world and bitter at my life. I wanted to die. I couldn't stand it any longer.

I woke up shaken, upset, still tired, and found myself alone, very alone. I found life no longer worth living. I held my head in my hands and was about to weep, until I remembered: I JUST INSTALLED mIRC ON MY COMPUTER!!! I jumped up, and with glee skipped over to my baby, my laptop and got online. With a trembling sense of joy I booted up and started the mIRC program, easily getting on an UNDERNET server in the network and ran, not walked, ran into the chatroom #hotadults; and once there, I was surrounded by people who knew my name, as Cupgrease, and shook my virtual hands and asked me how was my night.

I told them about my dreams and then Cyn popped in, and gave me even more tips as to how to navigate IRC. Now I'm feeling my oats. It was great. It was fun. I stayed on IRC all day long, stopping only to warm up portions of my Chinese Fried chicken and pork fried rice during the day. I soon left the UNDERNET for the SEXNET, which I wanted to wander through, and found some good, un-sexy chat rooms. Where people were gathered for discussions, virtual drinks, the works. I got virtually hammered in one chat room, staggering out with two friends, Tosh and Fenderman. I ended up sober in another and talked about movies all night until about 12:00am.

I dropped out of IRC and looked around. Night had fallen on my fun and games. My shenanagins for the day. And I'll tell you, I didn't give a fuck that it's the middle of the road. It just gives me 40 more years to get this shit right. I've got too much time on my hands in this life. I got work to do. I got things to resolve and get out of the way. I realize that there is an entire world full of people out there, who are my age and older, and who aren't feeling miserable about where they are in life, or where they're going to. They live every day, happy to be alive, and there is something good to be said about that.

Is it me, or does everyone feel this way? They they are on a single path to the grave. That there is no hope for them other than to keep doing what they do until they retire and die? I've lived in some bad situations as of late in my life. Is this where it'll end? I don't think so. I really don't give a fuck if it did so. If I was to pass away tomorrow, I wouldn't feel sad. I wouldn't feel much of anything because I'LL BE DEAD!! Then nothing is worth a fuck. Who knows what my end is going to look like. I'm not going to trust this dream of course. I can't live like that...I refuse to.

Well, with that thought, I'll call it quits tonight. I'll fold up my laptop after I finish blogging and crawl into bed, and this time I hope I have a pleasant dream...of me fucking some movie startlet, or driving in a fast car, or winning a million dollars. Something good. Something quite fine in life.

Give me a good fucking dream tonight...or else.

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