Breathing Smoke

Well, I pulled a Hoboboob today.

I'm looking through the paperwork given to me by WECARE, and find my paperwork for my nephrology appointment. Going over it carefully I see that my nephrology appointment was scheduled for yesterday, the Eighth of the month, not the Ninth.

Wha? I look at it again. My schedule in my computer, and the schedule on the paperwork. They are off by a day. Fuck, I sigh. I just can't seem to catch a break with WECARENOT. It must be that god has it in for me when it comes to them. If its not the mail screwing things up it's me screwing things up. How hard was it for me to make that appointment yesterday? I just stayed on automatic pilot the entire day going to my therapist appointment dutifully, taking care of that, while my appointment time at Beth Israel dwindled by.

Well, what are my options? I know if I return to WEFUCKINGCARE my caseworker, Charliqua Lovebisquit, is going to literally FREAK! She needs to have all of my medical visits done before next we meet, and she couldn't get my cardiology appointment before my next visit. So that makes two appointments not met. That's not good. She'll no doubt mark me non-compliant, which has a vague meaning. It could be like a demerit in school where the first one is a warning. Otherwise WEGONNAcareALRIGHT is going to hit me with a penalty. If it is returning back to a judge to plead my case I'M GONNA FREAK. They can take all of their shit and shove it right up their sphincter. I'll tell Charliqua that to her face...well, maybe not. Bitch might take that razor from under her tongue and slash my fucking face. That would not be good.

So, like I said before, what are my fucking options? I go through the paperwork, reading it carefully this time, and find out even worse news. The nephrology department is only open on Wednesdays. Between me and Charliqua's appointment there is only one Wednesday. Thank god. Hopefully I'll be able to get an appointment for that Wednesday, see them before seeing my caseworker, and then it's all about smoothing things out.

Now what do you think about my chances of getting an appointment for Wednesday? It will probably be somewhere between slim and none. All of fucking New York is going to have an appointment with the Nephrology department.

Strangely I'm not freaking out over this. I'm not worried or anything. I'm more tired than worried. Tired of fucking up and tired of WECARE. They are the incredible wheels of the machine. That's why my brother discarded them a long time ago. He was just tired of their shit too quickly. That's why I had my case closed and had to start another. Because of the exasperating nature of WHEECARE. I'm tired of them. Living off MRE's doesn't sound so bad for peace of mind.

We'll see what Charliqua does. What does it really mean to be non- compliant? How bad can she freak? She can't drive a stake through my heart. The worse she can do is type something bad on her keyboard. And being non-compliant is just about it. I was thinking of what excuse to give her, but the best excuse is the real excuse. I simply put the appointment down on the wrong day in my appointment book. An easy enough mistake. These things happen. The problem is that they always happen to me, and always with WECARE.

Fuck it then. I'm going to focus on the next thing in my life. Tonight my brother wants to go to church. That's right, church, for a special Easter service. Pay our respects to the passing of the lord. I'll prepare for that. I think I've got a pretty good white shirt and decent slacks. I wonder what this is going to be like. Maybe it'll stir something spiritual in me, and I'll act upon it. I don't know what I'll do with it, but it would be interesting to see.

As unrighteous as I am, I'll probably explode the minute I walk through the threshold.

If I'm lucky.

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