Yesterday, Wendy came up to me.This she never does. We stay apart from each other because I've memorized 'The Rules', and do not break them. Ergo, she has absolutely no reason to talk to me, because I don't go to her for conversation.
"Just to let you know," she begins with a wry smile, "that we don't allow any laptop use until 9:00." I am standing there with my hands inside of a dryer, loading my clothes. What? "Yeah, I know you like to get on your laptop the first thing in the morning, but 'The Rules' state that you aren't supposed to be on it until 9:00AM. And I may have that wrong, it might be 9:30." Well, I have 'The Rules' memorized, and that's not in the copy of 'The Rules' that I signed. "They must have changed them recently." She walks off. I continue to load my shit in the dryer. Presently she returns with papers in her hand. 'The Rules'. "See, it says right here that you are not to use any electronic devices until after 9:30AM". Now this is great. First, they make you turn off your hardware early, and now you can't turn it back on until late. No more getting up at 7:00AM and getting online for me. I go and check my copy of 'The Rules' and no, the clause is not in there. Instead, mine reads from 6:00AM on.
Here's the rub with this. If I go to Wendy and tell her, if I didn't sign it, I'm not bound by it, she'll just respond with, 'well then, you have to sign this which is your condition of staying here'. In translation: Do what this new 'The Rules' says or pack your shit and leave. There is no need arguing the point. There will be other measures taken by me.
On the next day, I rise early, 6:05AM and get ready, ironing my shirt and fixing my bed. I'm scheduled to go into work today at 10:00AM. So, I get ready early, pack my gear, and split by 7:00AM which is the earliest that you can leave the building without being discharged. Poor Wendy isn't here to see me leave, which is too bad, because I head to Starbucks WHERE I CAN GET ON THE INTERNET AT 7:00 IN THE MORNING. Fuck your rules Wendy! You didn't see this loophole did you you munky assed bitch. You must have been out of your fuckng munky mind to believe that I will not be on my laptop BEFORE 9:30AM.Coked up fraulein.
I shoot over to Starbucks, knowing full well that I'll have to come back by 9:30 to get my Meds and then to make it to work on time. I take a seat and jack in, getting to work on my blog when some nerdy looking man sits next to me, opens his laptop and works on it for a few minutes before leaning over in my direction and asking: "How do you get on the Internet here for two hours?" Well, I explain the arcane process to him in scant detail. Go ask the counterpeople for further information for chrissakes. Do I have an information hat on my head? He walks off, only to return miffed. Everyone always is when hearing what it is that they have to do to get online at Starbucks. Starbucks does not make getting free Internet easy. He comes back to complain to me about it. He cranks so much that I lean over, access ATT online, enter in my password and username and POOF, he's online. He's overjoyed. He only needed the Internet for half an hour because of being in a tightspot, and now I saved his life! He thanks me over and over and reaches for his wallet. "Let me pay you a few dollars," he says. Now, being a confirmed hobo, I never turn down cash, but today I had a pocket full of lettuce so I decline. Do a good deed for two other people bud, and we'll call it even. He nods happily and gets to work. Later he turns to me and hands me a business card, "Hey, if you are ever in Oxford, look me up and I'll treat you to a free lunch. I look down at the card. It reads: University of Oxford England, Department of Statistics, Professor of Bioinformatics. Well shit, I'll be flogged and gagged. Ain't that some shit? He leaves and I bag his card. You learn and meet someone new every day.
Another thing...why do all of the scariest looking men get sex change operations in New York. I'm not talking about the Trannies that you see on the Internet or in some fucked up magazines, that they use to freak the shit out of you because they LOOK so much like women. No, I'm talking about the tall, muscular, shaven ones that walk around the city with lopsided wigs, and smeared on lipstick, trying to PASS themselves off as women. These men don't even give a fuck that you see through their disguise. They are going to try to look like women whether you like it or not. The reason why I just jumped onto this subject is because one of these very same men sits down next to me with a coffee and doughnut. Not that I care, mind you. I'm not fucking him tonight.My dick's staying in my pants. Where it's been growing cobwebs.
Hee hee hee.
HobobobSource URL: http://extravagancedeplumes.blogspot.com/2008/08/wendy-wicked-witch-of-west.html
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