I'm back from Vancouver after an overnight, sleepless flight, seeing Dane Cook live (again?) a gas station vomit and a near-fight in Whistler (seriously, some twat knocked my vodka soda right out of my hand on the dance floor then gave me snooty look and turned away. Uhm...excuse me? Knocking my vodka to the ground is like throwing my child to the floor. An apology at the very least would have been nice. I wanted to lay down some 2010 Olympic-style bitchslaps on her whoreface but because I am a refined lady, settled instead for throwing some serious elbows on that dance floor. Bitch.)
Anyway, I see I didn't miss too much while I was gone but David Carradine peaced outta here, presumably whilst masturbating. I don't think this is what Pai Mei had in mind when he developed the five point palm exploding heart technique. Dude straight up pulled a Michael Hutchence on us! Except, in Hutch's defense, choking out yourself while choking your chicken at least has a slight modicum of rock star coolness. Kinda sorta. David Carradine is a grandfather! Could you imagine? How did you Grandpa die? Oh he masturbated with a belt around his neck! Embarrassing! I think dudes who feel the need to combine masturbation and strangulation (masturlation?) need to treat that shit like weightlifting; have a spotter!
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