Like They Do It On the Discovery Channel

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I'm not sad.

No. Not even melan- choly. I'm feeling pretty good in fact. I awoke the other night, rolled over onto my back and didn't feel like Oscar the Grouch for a change. I didn't feel lost and discarded. I didn't feel as if I was in a war for no reason. I was just...glad. I laid in the silence and listened to the old man in the alleyway singing drunken songs out his window, his voice slurred, his pronunciation poor.



I listened to him and felt at peace. A strange kind of peace, almost like magic. I was living in a world where I could accept my fate. This was the first time in a long while that I awoke from slumber and didn't feel like I hated to open my eyes. Like my dreams were worth living more than my waking state. For the first time in a long while, I was glad to be alive.



The only drawback recently is my low energy. I'm on low power lately and my Alters have all settled down, slipped into an unmistakable slumber leaving me to blog alone once more. The vibrancy of December-January is now fading to a very sedate February. I have been hyperactive for over two months, suffering from sleep deprivation, accelerated heart rate, hyper-appetite, and constant motion. It's a state that feels like you are on Meta-amphetamines.



But now, I am sedate and calm and everything seems per- missible, survivable, almost peaceful. I am happy once again, and there is a clarity in my thinking that I have never known before. I can think on many levels, if I can stay up long enough to focus. That's the only drawback to this laid back feeling is that it constantly puts me to sleep. Also, I eat like a tank at night. I understand this though. I sleep through most of the day and eat very little. Day time is like nighttime, or like midnight to morning for me. And nighttime is like morning to evening. So Breakfast, lunch and dinner falls after 3:00pm.



My life has been turned upside down for this reason, and I am glad that it has. My waking days are still quite lonesome but once again, even without my Alters I am not lonely. I am pleasingly alone and left to my own devices, which is writing, when I can stay awake, listening to music and surfing the web for new and interesting shit. I would like to someway awaken my Alters though to help me once again with the fucking blog. I think I either burned them out or the drugs have suppressed them some. I can feel them but they will not come up.



So I write my blog, and see the things that I want to write about come up to me, and into my mind, like lying in my bed, listening to the old man sing, or the song Somehow by Citizen Cope and I wander off in my mind and...OH yeah, write poetry. I'm still doing that too.

So In closing, I say....I feel good, as James Brown would.

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