Lost in the Seven Herbs and Spices

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When you legitimately cannot go to sleep, you have difficulty. And when you watch Internet television you have no time. There is absolutely no timetable that you adhere to. You are cast afloat in a sea of time. Just a straight number of hours that meet each other at the number twelve. I need something to punctuate time, something to ground it, to stick a tack in it as a waypoint. But there is nothing of the sort.



So here I am, three o'clock in the morning, watching Internet television when a commercial comes on. A commercial for hunger in New York City. In the commercial they have all of these celebrities saying how nobody is hungry in this country, and that there is nothing that they have to do about it, but they are obviously being sarcastic. Besides, words are flashing next to their heads how 1.3 Million New Yorkers need Food Assistance.



Oh how right they are. A McDonalds job just can't feed the whole family anymore. Funny, did it ever? That's why kids want nothing to do with these types of jobs. They make so little money for the effort. Why not sell crack cocaine and make a real killing for the same amount of time? That's the logic. And the logic here is food pantries and soup kitchens to aid starving New Yorkers. Basically, dry goods galore of foods that you've never seen before. Brands from third world nations. Generally tasteless foods or foods that don't taste anywhere NEAR where they are supposed to.



In the commercial, they say that starving is a bummer. Hey, maybe I'm being fucking picky here, being that it's on television and all, but honestly, starving is a fucking bitch with a bad attitude. The bad thing about starving is that you KNOW it's COMING. You are running out of food days before its over. To me I think rationing is bullshit. I eat just the way I want to. This amount, that amount, filling myself up and hurry up and run out of food. Now I'll go four days hungry instead of eight days half full. I find half full more annoying than having nothing. It's like you're toying with yourself.



Go ahead and starve. Get it over with. That's the problem. You dwell on it in fear as as if it will kill you to miss several meals. You'll survive, trust me. Just drink a whole lot of water. A whole lot. Every time you feel a hunger pang, fill up a glass with water and drink it. If you're like me then you'll piss like a busted New York water main pipe, but at least you keep the walls of your stomach from rubbing together. That you don't want to happen.



Like the commercial says, that shit's a bummer. I can tell you that shit's a fucking bitch. When that happens you mentally feel fucked. Your body feels fucked. You feel fucked. It's just a fucked up experience, but I tell you the truth, after two or three days, when your body realizes that YOU ARE NOT GOING TO FEED IT, it stops with the fucking hunger pangs. Yep, they just go away because, it seems, your body is pretty smart. You stomach realizes that if you are not answering its calls for sustenance then you can't give it what it wants, so why continue to keep asking?



After that, you skate. Although you do get noticeably weaker and slower.  You even get tired and seek chairs, couches, and beds faster, just to take a load off. Now, your body is starving. This is true starvation. It's not hungry where it's been an hour and you didn't eat. It's real starvation. Your body is using up fat so fast that it's wearing you down. The cool thing at this point? You enter into a state of Nirvana. Yeah, you get high and you stay high. An elevated sense of self, a higher viewpoint, whatever you want to call it, you are really enlightened. This is probably why wise men fasted to gain an epiphany. It sure feels like one will come.



Another thing about starving for more than three days. DON'T RUSH BACK INTO FOOD. You will have the most terrific stomach cramps known to man and may require hospitalization. Go slow. Lots of water and a few bites at a time. Be good to yourself after being so bad. You've got to give it a break, or it will break you.

Yeah, 1.3 million? And that shit's a bummer?
Trust me, there's not enough stupidly rich celebrites in this city to feed all of the poor. That number is going to grow, trust me.

And then it will be a fucking bitch.

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