Write?
Why write? I dunno. I used to like it. Love it in fact, but now, it's like pulling hang nails. It's a necessary evil that I can't get used to. I'm working on a book marketing plan for my three novels that I want to get out to publishers before the year is out. The problem is is that I have been going to publishing websites and the news it not good.
One publishing editor said that the odds of an unknown writer getting published by a reputable publishing house today is less than 1%. Less than 1%. What the fuck? Unless you are famous, or popular, or a well known writer already. I wonder if I can become a writer if I walked into their offices carrying a pair of Desert eagles, chrome glinting off the phosphorescent lights, muzzles blazing. Then from jail, I'll write books and become famous just before getting the electric chair. That would be fun....no?
Well known writer. Sounds like a Catch22 to me. You have to be a well known writer before you can get published. But you can't get published if you aren't a well known writer. What kind of bullshit is that? The Editor of the website said that it's just plain business sense. Why spend thousands of dollars on an unknown with little hope of recouping your investment? Shit, is that what this shit is all about? All business? I know I should have gotten into porn when I was living in California and fuck this writing shit.
Yeah, getting into porn was my childhood dream. Not shitting you. When all the other gradeschool kids were wanting to grow up to be astronauts and presidents, I wanted to fuck all of the little pig-tailed girls. Then I wanted to be a writer. So...I wrote sexually graphic stories. Worked for me at the time. The problem with me was that I didn't know that I had to use my OWN DICK in a porn movie. I always saw John Holmes dick when I thought of being in porn. And I would shoot cum like Peter North. Have you ever seen Peter North shoot cum out of his cock? Like a fucking howitzer!
Yeah, yeah. I grew up though. After watching Apocalypse Now! with the harrowing helicopter attack scene, I was hooked. I wanted to fly a helicopter. Yep, I could see myself high overhead, hovering over the city streets, doing something in the air. Probably shooting rockets at the ghetto. I don't know what, but I was doing something. Well, I enrolled into the exclusive Aviation High School. I passed the rigorous entrance exam. Funny, at the same time I passed the exam for Brooklyn Poly Tech and was accepted. Everybody told me that Brooklyn Tech was the premiere school to be in at the time which only accepted very few of those that even passed their entrance exam. But fuck Brooklyn Tech. I was going to fly my helicopter over it.
I got a job right after graduating from Aviation High, and moved to California. Wow, what a life! I was Eighteen and pulling a high five figure salary. Myself and many of my graduating class. We lived like kings. I lost my virginity in California to a blonde haired blue eyed vixen that lived across from my apartment. She would come over and fuck me ragged just for the Hell of it. All the while...yes, I still catered the idea of becoming a porn star. I started to rent cars and avidly look for the 'Adult Film' studios. I was ready to become famous sticking my prong into scores of hot, sexy women! At this time they didn't have the dick limitation that they do now. You know, the Dick Limitation.
At the time, this was the early Eighties, and any length of cock could get into the business. My little dinker could do the job. The only qualification was that you had to get it up before the camera, keep it up for as long as it took to get all of the shots, hold that golden moment, and ejaculate on command and where you were directed to. That's it. Still a fucking tall order. I remember watching a video of male porn tryouts...its the funniest fucking video you will ever watch! I laughed so hard at these pathetic specimen of men, well built, handsome, surfer types, surrounded by beautiful, sexy women and because of a camera man, could not get a hard on.
Others would cum instantly at the touch of a female hand. Others fuck for an instant and blow a load on the second stroke. Some even had the embarrassing nerve to fart loudly during a fuck! The funniest were told to fire a load on their female partner's face or in her mouth, and these poor guys couldn't even hit the side of a barn. One guy hit the cameraman in the face! Ha ha ha! Talk about an occupational hazard! Funny assed video. I recommend it. Well, I was driving my virginity into the ground at this time and fucking pornstars was not as real as going home after a hard days work, and having a blonde with the keys to my crib, bust in and take my dick out for rapid use. I was in Heaven.
I quit that job, flew back to New York. Never to try out for porn again. I couldn't get in anyway now. I'm older, and I look at sex differently now. Firstly, you know, the Dick Limitation. You have to have a boner at least ten inches long now or they won't even consider you. Fuck that. I guess men like to see some horsedick dude pile drive their way into a tiny orifice. I keep looking at the woman's faces. They look like they are having a root canal.
Secondly, like I said, my whole world view of sex has changed over the years. I can't be bothered with marathon sex. Takes too long. Neither can I tolerate more than one partner. Fucking two women? Shit, I can barely fuck ONE. What the Hell would I want TWO for? To feel twice as bad? Also, young women are like buzz saws. They turn on and spin like whirling dervishes. I screwed one. What the FUCK was I thinking? Maybe it was an old man thing. You know, trying to buy back my youth like some male cougar. I forgot that cougars just have to lay there and take it. Young boys pound away with reckless abandon and they ride them like holding onto young mustangs. What the shit do these tired old women have to do but take a massive drilling?
Us men? We have to FUCK! Yeah, we do the work and if we fall short...well, older women understand. Younger women? Hell no. They'll quickly grow frustrated, look at their watch, and then out of either spite or anger, fuck you up. Yeah, I mean that. They'll screw YOU. Beat you over the head with your own cock like a tire iron. My dick went limp after the first round and she got it up for a second. Wow! I wasn't happy though. It wasn't a thing I thought I could even do. I used to get it up over and over again when I was young...my pleasure, but now, older, I get sore quicker. I get muscle cramps and burns, and my dick starts to throb like a headache. I'm in so much pain that I fall to the side and she'll climb on top, pissed off and even angrier. It's absolutely amazing how much punishment their lean bodies can take...and how much they demand you dole out to them.
Have you ever wanted a woman to just stop fucking you? Just stop. Yeah, that was the last time that I even cared to fuck with a younger woman. It just takes waaaay too much fucking work and imagination to get them off. I LIKE older women. They are softer, milder, more fun. She gets dry around the time I get tired. Now that's a match made in Heaven. Now I walk though, so I have much more power than I did then, but I have to admit...recently I was following an older woman up sixteen flights of stairs and by the twelfth flight I was panting like a steam pipe in a factory. She just kept on going. Skinny, sexy motherfucker. I was following her excellent ass for a little while. It was keeping me motivated. But even that could not keep my muscles from failing, leaving me bent over and gasping. I guess I have to do more walking.
I mean, I still like sex. I like it a lot. But now, it has to be meaningful. I has to have a purpose, a reason and not to just get my rocks off. If I need to get my rocks off...if I just need to cum because I haven't in a while, I'll take the manual approach. Okay, okay, I know that there are those among you that think that such a thing is pathetic, but I've always enjoyed polishing the sword more than risking some STD or worse, an errant relationship. Like I always say: No one can fuck you as good as you can. I find manual stimulation a great way to free oneself from the Power of Pussy also. Oh yeah. Women can try to manipulate you with the Blue Balls, approach. The old Cock Tease that they believe will get them somewhere, but that doesn't work on me. The minute she says no...I'm taking matters into my own hands.
"You don't understand, I make love to my hand. I don't need you honey, I beat my meat like it owes me money!" No crawling or begging for sex needed. Actually I do feel sorry for people who have to find someone to fuck when they are horny. They are at the mercy of another living person to find sexual gratification. Not me. The only person I have to depend on is Numero Uno. Hey, if you don't enjoy fucking yourself, how do you expect someone else to? Masturbation. I don't just condone it, I'm a practitioner of it. I mean, sometimes I just want an aspect of sex. Like a blowjob. That, obviously I can't give myself. And when I have the gumption for one of those, I seek out a woman to help me with that shit, or a pro if I can afford it. Lately I can do neither so I don't think about it.
Yeah, meaningful sex is important to me now. I mean, I'm not in the market for making a baby. I am too old to raise a child. When I hear a crying baby, I want to leave the room. When children run around, I want to run away. It's not that I hate kids, I just find them exasperating. Too much energy that they'll need later on in life is expended. A Mini-Me? I don't think so. So, why should I have sex then? If not to procreate, or to get my rocks off, what is it for? A blowjob? I can live without those. I don't think I would want to, but I can. So...why fuck? Because I love you. That's about it. I want to fuck you, because you are the most important thing in my life. It's my way of speaking what words cannot express. I'm in love with someone, and that's the only reason.
After 911 I thought a fuck-fest would kill the pain, along with drinking like a fish. Pick up chicks at the local bar, take them home, sex them up until I felt relief from the black hole in my heart, and then send them home. But that shit was chasing after the wind. A waste of time, effort and completely decent orgasms. You cannot find absolution in sex, neither will you find an ounce of forgiveness. Survivors guilt is a bitch to deal with and to kick. Tears won't help you. Go ahead, cry a river of tears. I hope you drown in them. Neither will screaming down the dark alleyways of a New York street. Yeah, there are too many homeless people doing that already. You didn't know that did you? Nothing will save your ass, trust me. Nothing will deliver you from yourself...except love.
The Beatles had that shit right. Love is the only salve for a pain that leaves no visible wounds. If I had my way...if my life took another turn, I would be in California, an aging porn star. I would be going to outrageous parties, holding onto other aging female porn stars by their ample silicone enhanced breasts, smiling dumbly before a myriad cameras and feeling the same sense of loss that I do now. A dark abyss that gobbles down the heart and leaves a man a shell of his former self.
My life was destined to be a big, fat horseshoe. It began with porn, it ended with wholesale death and destruction, both leaving me at the same place. Alone among the multitude, and rent of soul and spirit. This may have been my trajectory, to end up in an SRO, writing with a 1% chance of getting published, alone by my choosing. But, still, there is love.Don't feel sorry for me...there is still love.
HobobobSource URL: https://extravagancedeplumes.blogspot.com/2010/10/stick-dick-in-her.html
Visit extra vagance de plumes for Daily Updated Hairstyles Collection
No comments:
Post a Comment