I am up Sunday Morning.
5:00am
Yeah, typing. I just finished my blog post from yesterday and I'm still churning on my future. This is the third day of the new decade. We have an early start to effect change. I am happy for my life. I am happy that I enter into a new year and a new decade with a new mind. I was held so captive by ABILIFY in 2009 that is seems like a dream. It seems as if I was not even living. It seems as if my entire life was a play with someone else portraying me.
I was not myself. I see and admit to it. To those of you who thought I was, there will be two kinds of realizations. "Wow, that wasn't you?" and "Wow, you aren't you." depending on what you want from me. This will become clearer as the year continues and my chemical change becomes more and more evident. I am not the man that I was in 2009. There are things that I want now that are coming to the fore, and I am set to chase them.
What are some of the changes that I see in 2010? I'm fucking through with living in my room. As D2theL brought out today, I need to stop with this bullshit and get out and get meeting people. I'm part of a vibrant community, and rich and artistic one. I'm not in some fucking podunk town, having to get together over and over again with the same five people in silly social events to feel like I'm living. I'm a New Yorker, surrounded by life and culture. I'm wasting my life letting this wondrous opportunity pass me by. The ABILIFY had me chosing to sit in this room by myself, playing the hermit, closed up and dying.
This is silly. I want to work on my poetry, and give it to those of my peers in different venues, support my fellow poets, enjoy my days, revel in my nights. Do things, be at places, and meet people. Meet women...that's the second thing. I'm looking to go to new and different places, artistic venues with poets who have something deep to say, meet smart and attractive women, with gorgeous eyes, and something interesting to talk about, and fuck the shit out of them.
Yeah, well, the last part is important too. Women need fucking, and I want to be the one to do it. So stay out of my way women 2010. I'm looking into your eyes, I'm listening to you, I'm being captivated by you and then I'm going to put a dick in you so fast that it'll make your head swim. Oh no your're not. So you say. So you say. That's me for 2010. I'm a sweetheart, but I'm also a horny bastard. I make no bones about it. I want something in my bed in 2010, and I'm ringing the dinner bell, simple as that. I'm happy to deal with you, I"ll be even happier to fuck you.
Crude language, won't get you far. Reality sucks. I've been so called spoon fed reality by people who can't digest it their goddamned selves. I'm tired now. That was 2009. 2010, I say my peace. Good, bad, right, wrong, this is my blog and I say what the fuck I want. That's another resolution for 2010. My blog. I will no longer cater, worry, care, whimper, whine, speculate, concern, or busy myself with anything other than my true feelings on this blog. If I'm offensive, that's what I feel at the time. I make no bones about my feelings anymore.
2010, third day of the New Year. I intend to experience more shit. More things. I'm going to NOT turn down so many things. I know it takes money to do a lot, but I have money. I'm a stingy bastard. I save for a rainy day. Now my father is not doing good and I don't have the money to get down to him because I haven't been saving. I've been spending. I'm going to stop that shit. Oh, well, stop all that saving. I had that bass ackwards a little. I want to spend more. More on seeing and doing things. More on being a people person and less the introvert. I want to meet you.
Yes, and finally, I want to find you. I'm looking for you. I've lost you somewhere and I need to find you in 2010. I want to spend my time with you, meet you, get to know you. You are special to me and I know you are out there. I'm in search of you. I will stumble upon you, I know I will, it just takes time and patience. And the BELIEF that you are out there. That's all it takes. I just have to open my eyes, and when you walk by, stop you, and by just staring in your eyes for the briefest of moments I'll know that I've found you.
2010 will be my year, because I'm going to make it so. I have every intention on following through with this. So please, women, when you read the above, this is a promise, therefore be careful in my presence. Just a hobo warning. I'm cheap and tawdry, and am not opposed to a roll in the hay. Keep your wits about you, and your pants buttoned up because I'll be looking to get inside of them and you.2010 is going to be fun.
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